Why should I go to Al Anon?

Why should I go to Al Anon?

He’s the one with the problem.

By David Palmer

If you are living with an alcoholic or have anything to do with one, chances are you need help, and Al-Anon meetings are a cheap and, for many, a priceless resource. More than twenty-four thousand of these free, 12-Step meetings are available in 133 countries, meaning there is probably one near you.

More than 150 million Americans, roughly half the population, are affected directly or indirectly by the disease of alcoholism and other drug addictions. Research also shows that every alcoholic’s behavior affects at least five others in his or her circle of family members, relatives, and associates.

Al-Anon Family Groups describes itself as “a supportive network that provides friends and families of problem drinkers with the opportunity to share their experiences to find strength and hope.”

I know that at the suggestion of a meeting, some may recoil with the standard comeback: “He (or she) is the one with the problem; why do I have to go to meetings?” But the fact is that you are, in many ways, just as sick as your friend or loved one is, and if you will go to meetings and work the steps, you, too, will benefit. So let’s take a look at Al-Anon.

Like AA, Al-Anon has been around for about 80 years. It was co founded by Lois Wilson, wife of AA cofounder, Bill Wilson. A wonderful book called The Lois Wilson Story: When Love Is Not Enough by William G. Borchert is a great love story, and it explains how Al-Anon got started.

Here’s a sample:

“Picture, if you will, eight women parked in front of the Clinton Street, Brooklyn, home of Bill and Lois Wilson. Their car motors are running, and they are steamed.

“On this night in 1938, their husbands, most of them newly sober, are attending a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous with Wilson. What ticks the ladies off is that their husbands have replaced drinking with AA meetings, leaving them once again alone and unloved.

“At that moment, Lois, with suddenly heightened awareness of her own resentment and anger, realized that spouses, too, have been touched by alcoholism and must seek and find a dramatic change in their own lives if they are to get well and stay well.”

The Birth of Al-Anon

Lois, on that night in Brooklyn, brought the women in for a get-together of their own in the kitchen and out of it emerged Al-Anon Family Groups, the fellowship Lois co founded with her good friend, Ann Bingham. Like Alcoholics Anonymous, the impact of Al-Anon has been huge. Today, Al-Anon Family Groups are active in practically every city across America, and membership is estimated to be close to a million.

In his book, Borchert tells a moving and powerful love story about two charismatic figures who really did change the world. The fact is, Bill and Lois, both attractive and smart, were absolutely nuts about each other. In the early days, they would hit the road in motorcycle and sidecar, and the first thing you know, they’d be off in the canebrake smooching.

It was not all play, however. Bill was a stockbroker, and on their road trips, he would visit companies and gather firsthand information about how they operated and how they were doing. Indeed, he is credited with being a pioneer in the field of securities analysis, a vital component of investing.

As Bill’s drinking increased, Borchert’s book reports, Lois would frequently lose her temper when he would embarrass her at parties or at home in front of friends and family.

“I got mad at him, terribly mad,” Lois said. “I’d throw all kinds of things at him, but it really didn’t make a difference. That talk is wasted on a drunk. He wanted me to help him stop his drinking. You couldn’t be mad at him then. You just had to forgive him.”

In 1939, four years after Bill quit drinking and founded AA with Dr. Bob, the Wilsons lost their Clinton Street home where Lois had been born and where she had lived with her husband during his battle with alcoholism and later during his final recovery.

They had no money and very little coming in, and for almost two years lived out of suitcases, moving fifty-one times, living mainly with generous AA friends and in a room above an old AA clubhouse on 24th Street in New York City.

Finally, in 1941, as the result of royalties he received from the book he wrote called Alcoholics Anonymous, also known as the Big Book, they moved into a home in Bedford Hills, New York, overlooking the Hudson River. Lois named it “Stepping Stones.”

For the next thirty years, Bill and Lois lived out their days traveling in the service of their twin ministries.

In 1971, Borchert writes, Bill Wilson, stricken with emphysema, died at the age of seventy-six, and the world finally discovered who founded the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous when the New York Times published his full name on its front page.

At first, Lois was almost crippled with grief, but she eventually rallied and carried on her work for the next seventeen years. But she never got over Bill’s death. When the end came for her, as she lay dying, she asked for a pad and pencil, and scribbled the words, “Tell them…I want to see my Bill.”

Lois Burnham Wilson, at ninety-seven years old, joined her beloved Bill later that evening of October 5, 1988. She was buried next to her husband in the small family cemetery in East Dorset, Vermont. Her name is chiseled on the simple, white marble gravestone, but true to the organization’s principles of anonymity, there is no mention of Al-Anon. Bill’s gravestone, equally discreet, makes no mention of Alcoholics Anonymous.

For more on Al Anon and other aspects of substance abuse and recovery, read David Palmer’s book, “Pathways to Recovery. Overcoming your addictions one day at a time”