Many years ago, Dr. Robert Lewis, a founding pastor at Little Rock’s Fellowship Bible Church and also a founder of the international Men’s Fraternity program, spoke in a sermon about the fruitful life of the prophet Abraham and about his death at a very old but still active age. Dr. Lewis, who helped me a lot with my recovery and the restoration of my family, said with some passion that when Abraham died he was “satisfied.”
At the time, I underestimated the power of the message, but now as I approach the age of Abraham I get it. Death without misgivings and an attitude of satisfaction is, indeed, a worthy goal.
Those who seek recovery will encounter obstacles, of course, many of them self-inflicted. Our denial hampers the identification of an addiction, and an unwillingness to deal with the problem and blaming others prevents recovery.
But it doesn’t have to be that complicated. Little Rock’s Wolfe Street Center, which offers 12-step meetings almost around the clock, used to have a caretaker (we called him Dr. Bob) who had boiled down his program of recovery to a simple phrase, “just don’t drink.” Too simple? Perhaps. But addicts tend to complicate things.
For those who seek more particulars, here are five principles that have worked well for me. They are based mainly on the biblically based 12 Steps.
- Trust God
In the first of their 12 Steps the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous call upon us to surrender to a power greater than ourselves. In this it differs from many programs, which, instead, begin with seeking power. The first step rejects the notion that we are capable of doing life on our own but gives us considerable latitude in naming that power. I chose God, supreme ruler of the universe, as I believe most do, and later named Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
- Clean House
Among mankind’s addictive behaviors, drug addictions, including alcoholism, have been particularly destructive and require special diligence when it comes to cleaning up. This includes stopping the behavior, admitting our mistakes and making amends to those we have harmed.
- Help others
Helping others through sponsorship, and other activities, is an essential requirement of AA and most other 12 Step programs. Rightly so. I didn’t warm to the idea at first but did what my sponsor and others told me to do and registered with the AA central office in Little Rock. I listed myself as someone willing to offer help, no matter what the hour.
The hour turned out to be midnight.
His name was Wardell, and he lived out by the airport. He was young, he was big, he was black, and he was very drunk. I was old (about 50), medium build, white and newly and excruciatingly sober. Wardell seemed grateful that I had come when we shook hands on his front steps. We talked a little. I gave him a Big Book, told him to not drink and to meet me at the Wolfe Street Center the next morning to begin work on his program of recovery.
Darned if he didn’t show up. Wardell got sober, I stayed sober, and the world became a better place. After a couple of years, Wardell, still clean and sober, moved away, and we lost track. I pray that he is alive and well.
- Reject resentments
Resentments will damage your serenity and ultimately shorten your life. There is a popular AA saying, “Harboring a resentment against someone is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.”
- Live one day at a time (tops)
Taking life one day at a time is a concept well known to people in recovery from alcohol and other addictions. Newcomers to 12-Step programs are told by old-timers to make no more than a daily commitment to sobriety—maximum–lest they be overwhelmed by contemplating a lifetime loss of their alcohol, pills and powders.
The late Joe McQuany, an international authority on alcoholism and recovery, once said, “I look at the battles that go on in life, and I look at the resentments and fears, guilt and remorse, and how things block us from God and shackle us to the self. Then I look at love, tolerance, patience, courage and wisdom. These qualities have come from God and they are always with us. In our outer and inner conflicts, we can see the powers of self contending with the powers of God.”
On a closing note, I do not find that self-esteem, especially when it is unearned, is of help in building character. At a Thanksgiving retreat in Georgia many years ago, a friend downplayed the value of too much self-esteem. “Flattery,” he said, “Is okay if you don’t inhale it.”
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