“This morning was one of those mornings. You know, one of those mornings where the sunrise is just right, where the crisp air brings lungs alive, and where the overall silence magnifies each creaking branch and each leaf scratching the street.”
This is how Steve Straessle, principal of Catholic High School in Little Rock began an article he sent me several years ago which I published in my One Day at a Time newspaper (now a website) a few years ago. He writes eloquently about a subject that grieves him deeply-the drug related deaths of young men and women–and it is heart breaking to read, but to deal with addictions and their ugly consequences, we must face the ugly truth of it.
This is how Steve put it:
“I spent several careful minutes scraping a thin sheet of frozen dew off of my windshield today. I usually haphazardly scrape a design that Jackson Pollock would be proud of, but this morning I carefully carved away the layer of ice. I meticulously went back and forth across the windshield and soon, everything was clear.
“The whole process made me think about teenagers. You know, that less-than-perfect-but-so-full-of-goodness teenager who was sleeping like a child in your home this morning and awoke suddenly looking older.
“You’ve seen him almost every day of his life but suddenly he’s changing and looking more like a man. It’s as if someone began scraping the layers of childhood from him, carving him into the adult you want him to become. But, he’s not finished. You have so much more to teach him. His school has so much more to teach him
“And so, the new year begins. What will it bring in your home? In your teenager’s school?
“My experience in the classroom over the last eighteen years has taught me quite a bit about teenagers and about their parents. And the most important thing is simply this: never underestimate your ability to inspire your own child. You set the example. You lay down the foundation. You set the parameters. You prioritize, maximize, and glamorize.
“Your kids are watching you. They are picking up on your habits, and they are taking note of how you approach life. They’re soaking it in. Your kids learn from you, their first teacher and the most important one. Most times, they will hold in disdain that which you cannot stand. They will lift up that which you glorify. They will feel the first flicker of fire in the belly when you challenge them to strive for a goal. It’s not a perfect system but it’s built-in, it’s inherent to the family structure. The important aspect of the system is to make sure it’s not wasted.
“Your child’s high school builds upon what you have started. It’s a good partnership because good schools will mirror what good parents want for their kids. Good schools will feed the mind and nurture growth. Good schools will not say “yes” every time. Instead, good schools will say, “Be willing to work, and we’ll help you get there.”
“But, when the dark days come (and they do for all of us), don’t be discouraged. Rare is the boy who will tell his father, ‘Dad, thanks for punishing me today. I know that I was wrong and your guidance has helped me see the error of my ways.’”
“Rare is the girl who will tell her mother, ‘Mom, thanks so much for challenging me to do better. Thanks for accepting nothing less than my level best. Thanks for not changing your mind when I threw a fit and screamed hateful things at you. I’m better because you stuck to those parameters.’”
“Chances are, you won’t experience that kind of instant gratification. Instead, if you dare to inspire your child by using a strong standard, a strong example, and a strong soul, you will experience the immortal gratification of seeing your children grow into the men and women you always knew they could become. It’s a difficult process. So is everything else that is worthwhile.
“And that’s the reason you support your child’s school through volunteerism, patient understanding, and a desire to make the entire school community better. Your child will grow, but he needs to be fertilized with the inspiration that a good parent can provide. Your child will become better, but she needs to understand instinctively that scraping away the layers of childhood is a good thing.
“As for parents, well, we need to understand that scraping is the only way to see clearly. It’s the only way to see a child become an inspirational adult.”
MISSING THAT GOOD BOY
Steve has been witness to terrible tragedy. This is part of what he wrote about one young man and his grieving parents.
“It happened again. Devastatingly again. One of us lost his son. And not just lost him but lost him in a way that didn’t have to happen. We’re still grieving the loss. We’re still wringing our hands and looking to our own kids hoping, wishing, praying that we don’t lose them. It didn’t have to happen.
“The boy was a gentle soul with dark hair and a face that favored his mother’s. He was kind, and he was clever. The boy, Patrick Clemmons, had a creative flair that permeated everything about him from the music he loved to the clothes he wore. We loved that about him. We loved that he had a sense of adventure that allowed him to reach into realms that most kids don’t even know exist.
“Patrick was not a bad apple, a thug whose demise was inevitable. It wasn’t like that. He was an Eagle Scout. He was on athletic teams at his school. He was a National Merit Commended Scholar. The last time we saw him, he was mowing the yard for his parents. Patrick was the anti-thug. He was a good kid.
“The problem was that Patrick tiptoed along the line of good decisions versus bad decisions until he inevitably crossed it. We say ‘inevitably’ because you can’t walk a tight rope forever; eventually you will fall. And fall he did. It started small, his dad said. It started with easy-to-find and alarmingly acceptable marijuana.
“We don’t know what the attraction was for him. Maybe it was acceptance into a crowd. Maybe it was an escape from some secret pain that even his closest friends didn’t know about. Maybe he just had that personality where a little bit was never enough. We don’t know. All we know is that when it took, it took him hard, and he was soon moving on from marijuana into stronger drugs. Every time, it was a little more dangerous.
“Patrick’s parents were aware and on top of his problem. They spared no expense, they pulled no punches, and they did not hide behind social graces. We spoke to his mother at a drug awareness and prevention seminar. His father searched for help from those of us who had been there. They both encouraged their son, told him they just wanted their boy back, and would move the heavens to make it happen. No holds barred. He was their son.
“Patrick tried, too. He went to rehab, he involved himself in positive activities, and stayed close to the family. But then the drugs would call to him and, inevitably, he would answer.
“After returning from a more than two-month stint in rehabilitation, Patrick found a place where opiates were available, and he was defenseless against the lure. He overdosed. His life left him. And we, as fathers, almost immediately sensed that the world was less because someone’s beloved son was lost. And we, as fathers, wept.”
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